Preview - Premium Post - Writer's Workshop #2
Hello there! I’m here with a preview of the upcoming Writer’s Workshop #2 here on The Breakdown. I want to thank Hannah for letting us review her latest work and letting us dive deep into the details of her story:
The Misfit Architects by Hannah El Hamalawy
Here’s a story summary.
A mountain spaceship, holding prisoners captive for six months; a bureau that designs reality for the citizens of Integral One; an escaped architect lands on Earth — Follow the journies of Ayra, Horace, Atlas and Aurelia as they set about breaking the matrix of creation in order to create a world that is truly free.
I think we know the drill about how these workshops go, but for anyone new—the focus of these workshops is to find three things about a work the writer can improve. Occasionally, I’ll mention something cool that stands out, but my aim is to look for areas of improvement. And while I’m drawing on years and years of story analysis and story development experience, these are just my opinions. It’s always up to the writer to take and use what works for them.
Okay, with that, let’s dive in…
So, I’m going to be totally honest with you. I LOVE, love, love your story title. It’s unique and it’s evocative. What, exactly, your story is about, though, is still very unclear to me. From your summary (which I snagged from your Wattpad publication because I forgot to add it to the form—my bad. 😬) There’s a lot going on here, but not one clear what we call “throughline.” You’re not answering the key questions: Who’s the protagonist (beyond just a name?) What’s their concrete goal? What’s preventing them from reaching that goal? What, precisely, are the stakes if they don’t reach that goal?
Right now, I’m drawing my expectations about the story from the summary above. I’m expecting a space drama with lots of tension, high stakes, and perhaps some danger. You’ve laid out some big goals for the group (I’m assuming this is an ensemble story?), but I will admit these goals are very vague: “matrix of creation,” “a world that’s truly free,” etc., etc.
I get the gist of the story, so I can work with this, but I still feel like I’m going in blind.
The “Top 3” I See:
Okay, now that we’ve covered the summary, and I’ve read the first five pages, here are the issues that jumped out at me.
Again this is for all five pages, not just this first one. Readers can read these first five pages here.
POV - Starting out your story very grounded in the main character’s point of view is critically important—unless you’re writing from an omniscient viewpoint—and especially in the first few pages, most certainly in the first page if your protagonist makes an appearance. So, you want us to know where we are and who we’re dealing with, as well as make us feel like we’re either deep within the protagonist’s head or deep within their skin. The more distance that exists between the reader and the protagonist in the beginning of your story, the harder it’s going to be to hook that reader in.
Worldbuilding - When you’re dealing with Fantasy, History, or Sci-Fi, especially, you want to introduce story and setting elements that make your world identifiable as well as unique. It’s a delicate balance—you want enough to communicate that we’re not in the world we know and are familiar with, but we don’t want to lose or overwhelm the reader with a mass of foreign details. Frankly, you didn’t do enough worldbuilding in the beginning to really suck me into the story and make me feel like I’m dealing with another world. You did some, but not enough.
Info Dumping - Information dumping is a tough one to tackle, especially for newer writers. How you deal with exposition often affects reader engagement and pacing and that’s what I’m seeing here. I’ll get into it more in the detailed analysis, but one of the issues I’m seeing here is a repetition of beats—meaning that you’re conveying important aspects of the story, over and over again, but in slightly different ways each time. This is something I recommend writers not worry about too much in a first draft but rather tackle in their edits, since by that point, you have a better understanding of your work as a whole and can better decide which beats to keep and which to discard. Info dumping is an issue almost all writers deal with, so we’ll look more closely at your example to see how this issue can be tackled better.
Alrighty then…given that overview, let’s dive deeper into your work and see how some of these issues can be addressed…
So, that’s the end of the preview! The full review will be posted later this week. Hannah will get a sneak peak and premium subscribers can read it, in full, probably Friday or Saturday.
Remember, if you’re a premium subscriber, either gifted or by supporting the newsletter, you can submit your first five pages for review via The Breakdown Writer’s Workshop Submission Form. Again, only Premium subscribers can submit and read the full reviews.
And while I think the previews are helpful, I wanted to leave you with a few more goodies for this week. Below are some really helpful resources, from Zoom chats to Twitter posts, for the filmmakers, screenwriters, and authors among you. Enjoy!
All right, folks! That’s it for today. Looking forward to the Writer’s Workshop #2 next week!
Until then!
~ Paula
✨ Interested in learning more about my projects or contacting me outside of the newsletter? Awesome sauce! You can reach me on any of the platforms or channels here! ✨
I'm going to have to screw up the courage to submit my story. Your feedback is so helpful! I can't wait to read the full review!